hurrhhh?

2008-11-21T22:52:00.002+08:00

i would give anything to have watched this case:

Lim Beh v Opium Farmer (1842) 3 Ky 10.

2008-11-01T01:29:00.002+08:00

what kind of parents would name their child "Brainerd"?

evidently, the kind who expected him to become a conflicts professor.

true, true.

2008-10-25T13:37:00.002+08:00

watch it all the way to the end.

and for good measure, here's the original.

wazzup 08 ftw.

a friend's role in life.

2008-08-28T15:17:00.004+08:00

excerpts of a msn conversation between two friends (names withheld to protect them from their loving girlfriends!) during evidence lecture today:

friend a: sometimes
when i feel like jacking (my girlfriend)

friend a: i will just like refrain from doing so

friend a: sometimes gf more impt than being witty

friend b: refrain?  

friend b: gf is meant to just whack  

friend b: some things are out of bounds la, of course  

friend a: like that no diff between gf and boon kiat

now you know why we put up with him! everybody has a role in life.

here.

2008-08-26T01:43:00.000+08:00

i suppose i have to start somewhere, and better here than anywhere else.

where is here, you ask? well first of all, here is the beginning. the beginning's definitely the place to start. that's the best i can describe it, it all goes downhill from here.

here is the silence, here is the darkness. here too, is the light. here is the eye of the storm, and here is the calm flow, coasting right above the undercurrent that will drag you deep, deep down. what do i mean by that? i'm not too sure either. i'm afraid i'm not too sure about a lot of things, so just go with it, alright?

here is where we said hello, and here is where you told me goodbye. here is where everything suddenly fell into place, and here is where nothing made sense. here is a million cliches spinning into one, a million i love yous and a million goodbyes.

here is the place where nothing else matters. here is, of course, also the place where reality began, where nothing that had happened mattered anymore.

(write a word down too many times, and it starts to not look the same anymore. try it - here here here here here. should it even be pronounced like that? i don't know about where you come from, but that's how we say it here.)

here we were so close to what everything meant, to the centre of it all. and yet, (you know what i'm going to say here) here is where we were furthest from it all. we've been here before, and we'll be here again.

there...but there has no place here, not in this story, not this time. i'm here. where are you?

here is now.

and here is the end.

2008-07-30T02:26:00.003+08:00

does anyone actually still read this anymore? apparently my girlfriend does and she has demanded that i blog because she is tired of reading my pre-departure post, so hello! have been back for just over a month, and since then i have done the usual meet-ups, poker sessions, random spurts of physical activity, amazingly managed to pass the year in leicester (and quite well too!) had my third bloody ict, been to jb for seafood, been to hong kong with the Odd Couple and the gf for weekend of shopping/dimsum mayhem/gf's birthday, and i dont know what else. guess which was the most exciting (hint ict!!! woot.) it's good to be back though, and in our quest to now start travelling around the region (hence, hk), september and vietnam await. slightly sad about the extremely short upcoming travel destinations list, but reality had to set in sometime!

ok i think the gf is appeased now. come back in two months for my next post.

p.s. dcfc in two weeks!

2008-06-06T22:52:00.002+08:00

so it's done, i'm off tonight to meet the parents for my last two weeks in europe, back in leicester on the 18th and i'm flying off on the 20th. much to be said i suppose, but no time now. see you all!

lightbulb-above-head.

2008-06-03T06:56:00.004+08:00

i am currently contemplating two things.

1) the purpose and need for closed book exams. especially for law. without a caselist. or statute book. or anything. save for a dictionary (by the way, if you need an english dictionary during a law exam, you have issues. not the legal kind.) why should i have to memorise the contents of about 5 different statutes and accompanying caselaw for just one damn module? does good memory > understanding/research skills? why me?

2) death. i.e. kill me now.

exam comic relief.

2008-05-27T00:09:00.005+08:00

and an old classic, and shoo's favourite.

dun dun DUNNN!

2008-05-20T10:00:00.013+08:00

so i'm back in leicester, exams are in a week AND I AM BLOGGING. shioks.

--------------------------------------

1) london

cherry blossoms at portobello

he will rock us!

our lovely £15 standing view, that fellow in front there (red shirt, yes you) paid £30! haha suckers.

nobu is joy.

--------------------------------------

2) athens

THE ERECHTHEION. this is my friend.

thirsty after seeing THE ERECHTEION. (subject of photo has expressed her hatred of me.)

acropolis. is old.

greek coffee. is shit.

waiting for the change of guards ceremony at the parliament building in athens.

waited 30mins to see this. rather glad i wasn't in the greek army.

lovely graffiti in athens. all their graffiti was quite amazing.

hurhur.

temple of zeus, which we accidentally wandered into. there used to be 104 of these pillars, now there are only 15 still standing, and 1 that collapsed in 1852 which is to the left of this photo. greek street cleaners not v efficient.

--------------------------------------

3) santorini

on the ferry from piraeus to athinios on santorini, gorgeous sunrise. also, bloody cold.

our first sight of oia, we stayed at the 3rd house from the left on the top row. can see right.

church in the town square in oia. i loved the blue domes and the white walls of all their buildings. i think their painting bill v high.

reuse, reduce, recycle.

the view from the sunset watching spot of the whole of oia.

sunset! which we waited two bloody hours in the howling winds for. reminder to self: next time check sunset time before heading to wait at sunset watching point.

fishing boats at the small port in oia. brilliantly clear water.

grilling our dinner on our apartment balcony. loved that we could see the sunset from there!

afore-mentioned sunset.

okay, so we read in lonely planet that red beach was spectacular. it was. spectacularly hard to get to. do you see that little crescent-shaped thing in the middle? that's red beach. do you see a path leading to it? there isn't. never had to CLIMB A MOUNTAIN to get to a beach before.

--------------------------------------

4) crete

the lovely sunset that greeted us when we got off the ferry at heraklion.

then, we decided to go to the samaria gorge. which is a 15km hike. which has to be completed in about 6 hours, cos if you miss your bus-ferry connection at the end of the gorge, so long!

mandatory act cool shot.

this was the path.

that we took for 15km.

the iron gates! narrowest point of the whole gorge, only 3m wide. creates the wind tunnel from hell.

--------------------------------------

5) paris

on the plane to paris, with my best companion of the trip.

cool old man who was renting out wooden boats to sail in the ponds at the jardin des tuileries.

our usual visit to point zero.

and then to berthilllion omg best ice-cream ever. it was so good, we finished our first two scoops on the spot and went right back into the shop for the next two.

sparkly friend at night.

our usual at the place de la concorde. this time, not freezing asses off. pleasant change.

at the jardin again, i had tuna sandwich, which the sparrows noticed very quickly. new best friends.

--------------------------------------

6) poitiers

then it was back to little old poitiers which i surprisingly missed quite a lot.

last photo before THE END. (ie i went for a haircut after this.)

random shots from the airport at crete. hurhur. i love this shop.

alright back to mugging!

love on the answerphone.

2008-04-28T00:00:00.002+08:00

I.

He picks up the phone hesitantly. It’s been barely an hour since he last called – or was that yesterday? He doesn’t know, can’t keep track anymore. Time flies by much too quickly, crawls by far too slowly to tell.

Fingers trembling slightly, he dials the number and waits for the ring, and then promptly hangs up, the sound of the phone hitting the cradle echoing hollowly in his head. His hands tingle and for a minute all he can do is sit down, head spinning ever so slightly.

Her face flashes through his mind. He closes his eyes and imagines her standing there, every detail etched clearly in his mind. Dark, almost black hair and a kind smile that goes all the way to her eyes, liquid pools in her face. He can almost see her light dimples, and his hands twitch involuntarily as he mentally brushes the hair from her forehead. The image in his mind is as clear as if she were really there, and he savours the mental picture as long as he can.

II.

Breathing in deeply, he picks up the phone again. This time, he tells himself, this time will be it. Slowly, each number appears on the tiny display on the phone. One ring, then another, and another. This is the furthest he’s gotten in a while. He’s a lot nervier these days, after she had picked up too quickly once and startled him.

There’s a click as the line connects and he freezes. Listening for a while, he opens his mouth as if to speak, but no sound ensues. He can’t. Not after this long, not after the silence that he has kept all this while. He keeps quiet a while more, just listening, then carefully puts the phone back down.

III.

Smiling to himself, as he always does when he’s heard her voice, he pushes the clutter from his table, ignoring the plates as they crash to the floor. Taking out a pencil, he smoothes out a sheet of paper and begins to draw. He sketches carefully, eyes squinted slightly and bent low over the paper. This time, he imagines her eyes blue, hair a deep brown. He had been wrong just now, she wasn’t nearly as young as he had imagined, her hair not as long, but she would do. She hadn’t said her name on the answering machine, so he has to check before he writes it down neatly in the corner.

IV.

He stands and pins the slightly crumpled drawing on the wall, in between the hundreds of others drawings that already cover it. Later, he will take out his well-thumbed phonebook and flip to another name, another number. He’s already covered all the Cs, and it’s time to move on.

---------------------------------------------

This started out a lot differently than what it is now. It was originally meant to be a slightly sweet, sad story of unrequited love and answering machines, but I left it alone for a bit too long and I think it took on a mind of its own.

2008-04-12T06:05:00.001+08:00

okay, so vienna and bratislava will come a bit later. off to ride camels and eat the saharan sand! back on the 22nd.

eastern europe part i.

2008-04-08T22:12:00.018+08:00

as you probably have heard now, our little bunch of travellers got robbed, TWICE in an eleven day period (nine for them cos i started out slightly earlier). first was in an overnight train from krakow to prague. we heard warnings about the night trains and thought we were safe when we managed to lock the door to our cabin.

the bastards opened the window and took wei's camera and ipod, and isaac's phone and camera. so that was number one.

then in bratislavaaaa (requisite four a's at the end), we were in a fairly atas looking cafe. while twee, steph and i were ordering food at the counter, wei was sitting at the table, and a bunch of street punks tried to grab our stuff (ie, my camera!) from the table. they ran, wei chased, wei pushed, they dropped camera, wei screamed, they ran more, straight into the three of us at the entrance. scuffle ensued, waiter got rather overzealous and squashed one of them into the floor while twee and i held the other two and forced them back into the cafe. nothing lost, thankfully, except for four hours at the police station.

very drama.

backtracking a bit, so i spent the first day alone in warsaw, walked the royal road approximately seven times by the end of my third day in warsaw after wei arrived.

the royal palace and square, warsaw.

buskers at the barbican, warsaw.

changing of the guard at the tomb of the unknown soldier, warsaw.

sunset at warszawa centralna station while waiting for wei to arrive from the airport.

------------------------------------------
after that it was off to krakow to meet the rest (twee, isaac and steph, and kx for a while.)

auschwitz, krakow.

------------------------------------------
then came the fateful night train from krakow to prague, but our spirits were rather undampened still! except by the fugging cold weather in prague. and the er, lack of things to do.

town square, prague.

can'tremembernameofriver, prague.

can'tremembernameofbridge, prague.

and the bridge at night, prague.

off into the sunset! vienna and bratislava pictures soon.

leicester,

2008-03-26T22:06:00.001+08:00

if it has one thing going for it, does have the most gorgeous sunsets.

streets of chicago.

2008-03-09T05:42:00.002+08:00

i have often wondered, between the twilight hours of the morning and the nothing if our true passions were merely an excuse to feel alive

no no there is hope

getting giggy with it.

2008-02-23T06:53:00.004+08:00

this won't make sense to many people, but i am extremely crushed to know that jim adkins did an acoustic version of your house in the encore. which i wasn't there for. le sigh. currently mourning by listening to every single j.e.w. song that i have (all 44 of them!)

in other news however, monday mika madness awaits!

undiminished.

2008-02-20T08:59:00.000+08:00

The dinner table creaks slightly as you place breakfast on it, two sandwiches, jam oozing out slightly, crusts tossed in the bin and one left behind on the counter. Thanks, I say, I’ll help you wash up later, do you need anything from the store I’ll head out later. You smile and say no, it’s alright. And I know it is, your kitchen looks fully stocked, looks like it never is anything but. There’s coffee on the stove, and you pat me on the shoulder, telling me to have a good day before you return to your room.

As I slowly eat my sandwich, I wander around the little domestic heaven that you’ve made, and I admire how well stocked your place is, thinking ruefully of how my kitchen only has a few battered pots, some fruits that have decided to peacefully expire without a fight, and dirty dishes in the sink. It’s a perfect little kitchen, this really is, pastel-checked tablecloths, a tiny vase of daisies on the window and a large, black, perpetually annoyed looking old cat lying beneath the radiator.

Out in the living room, I can’t help but notice a photograph on the shelf. Its one of you, much younger, in a sundress, smiling next to a stern looking man in a blue oxford shirt, tall and squinting slightly against the sunlight on some quiet little beach. My sister had mentioned that he had passed away some years ago, as she gave me the your contact and said I could stay with while I was here for the weekend. Next to the photograph, there’s a collection of old records, some waltzes, some old bands that I didn’t know, a few classical pieces.

Your voice startles me.

Those were his, you say and I apologise for touching them. It’s alright, you smile reassuringly, he’d always put them on for visitors anyway, and you haven’t had a visitor in ages so why not? I sit slightly awkwardly on the couch as the cat decides to languidly crawl onto my lap. I haven’t seen one of those old gramophones in ages, and you gently, almost reverently place the needle down on the shiny black grooves. You sit opposite me as the record starts playing, Vivaldi I think, but I don’t know for sure.

You smile to yourself as the music fills the small living room, and you look like you’re faraway somewhere. Somewhere, perhaps, where there are gulls calling to each other, and the soft swish of the waves cresting gently out in the lagoon. In that somewhere, you’re walking, holding your skirt up slightly so it doesn’t get wet, your other hand held firmly as you walk down a little stone pathway next to a beach that exists, at that moment, only for two people, a bright sun overhead that shines on two pairs of shoulders and in a soft breeze that ruffles two heads of hair.

I get up quietly and shoo the cat back in, gently shutting the door behind me. Later, on my way back, I will buy you some oranges.

2007-12-19T06:07:00.000+08:00

hi everyone, please don't call my handphones (uk-singapore), am currently completely uncontactable. to cut a long story short, the apartment we were staying in at budapest was broken into, most of our money and valuables are gone, the most high tech item we currently own is my wristwatch. they kindly left behind our passports so shoo and i are now in milan, and will still be jet/train-setting around the rest of europe. whee! longer update soon.

merry christmas!

red is the colour for christmas.

2007-12-14T00:26:00.000+08:00

manual upslope is the bane of my life.

2007-12-10T07:53:00.001+08:00

so we had a weekend trip to scotland and i am too lazy to blog as usual so here are some photos:

the girlfriend takes not bad photos. however the simple act of sitting in the car and taking photos seems to tire her out more than me driving the whole day.

also tiring: eating ice cream and apple pie.

again, not bad photo.

wee ashton lane, with the wee houses and the wee bars with girls wearing nothing but wee skirts despite the not-so-wee cold.

and to top it off, it bloody snowed in edinburgh when i was dressed for 10 degrees. my final fatal words upon leaving leicester: how cold can it get?

dusk.

2007-11-16T00:40:00.000+08:00

you've got it going on.

2007-11-09T04:57:00.000+08:00

hurhur. flight of the conchords. damn i got to watch this.

this one damn funny too.

simple rules.

2007-11-08T06:27:00.000+08:00

if you've got to fold cos you've got to fold, just say so. no one folds when they have a winning hand.

complete bs.

why my dog so stupid.

2007-11-08T02:24:00.001+08:00

why la. sigh.

stonehenge.

2007-11-06T05:18:00.000+08:00

in darkness.

and in light.

------------------------------------------------

ok this is not stonehenge. but also stone. (statue, in bath.)

2007-11-05T06:16:00.000+08:00

that was amy millan on stage, and i'm quite convinced she was on drugs.

2007-11-05T05:42:00.000+08:00

you see you've got this little heart and your heart is just this little muscle that's born into your body and you've just got this heart and it's just this little muscle and then all of a sudden you meet somebody you find you look at him and think that you like him and you think maybe just maybe this is the one maybe this is the one maybe this is the one maybe this is the one and it takes your heart and it makes you feel like your heart is a hot air balloon your heart is like a hot air balloon and its floating around and its floating around then all of a sudden something happens and the air is shot and it shoots down and it falls and your heart turns into an ice cube your heart gets frozen and it turns into an ice cube but your heart is a muscle your heart is a little muscle and you gotta let it breathe you gotta let it breathe you gotta let it breathe you gotta get right down and you gotta say 'heart you're not gonna be an ice cube heart you're not gonna be a pancake heart you're not gonna be a volcano heart you're gonna go back and be a hot air balloon' i'm gonna get my heart back to a hot air balloon and its gonna float over and its gonna get warm and all those little rips and those little tears that everyone comes along and chews on it and you say no its my heart its my heart its my muscle its my heart i'm only gonna give it to you if you're gonna be good to me and im gonna let it float above like a hot air balloon and im gonna take care of it and im gonna go back to my room and i'm gonna look at myself and over at my chest and say that is a good heart that is a good heart my heart is a hot air balloon and its gonna keep floating above this city and its gonna keep floating cos its a hot air balloon no matter how many times it gets ripped out of my chest.

actually still alive.

2007-10-22T03:54:00.000+08:00

right. so here i am. my room reminds me rather much of temasek hall, just with a toilet artfully shoved in one corner, and a lovely view that you could only term as industrial chic. minus, perhaps, the chic. my camera photo-uploader thing doesn't really work well with mac, and iphoto doesn't like me very much so no photos at the moment.

stars was brilliant, oktoberfest too. leicester, notsomuch. but i'm slowly settling in i suppose, lessons have begun proper and i've actually gotten off my ass and joined the frisbee team, hurhur.

haven't actually been hanging out with my very reclusive flatmates much, who consist of (1) a perpetually sleepy looking hongkong fellow (friend!), (2) my next door brit neighbour who insists on letting me listen to the same r&b song over. and over. and over. again. (bartender, if you must know.) and insists on leaving his trash by the main door of the flat, which sadly happens to be next to my door. we will have Words. soon. (probably sooner if he didn't happen to be two heads taller than me. asian genes, woot!) and (3), (4) er, i -have- actually heard them walking around before. but thankfully k and lj's flatmates are a lot friendlier (but no less dirty apparently).

ok, end boring update post. as noted previously of course, the only time i blog is when i have work to do, or am mind-numbingly bored. guess which! so well, expect more often posts (i hope), and if you want to come down to leicester to see me, i'll meet you in london instead.

unless you like bartender.

in our bedroom after the war.

2007-10-10T05:35:00.000+08:00

stars. live, and bloody bloody amazing. i'm still quite blown away.

might put pictures up, so watch this space!

ION, i should start going to school. soon.

transatlanticism.

2007-09-24T15:57:00.000+08:00

technically i'm very unromantically crossing a bit of the indian ocean, but well you know what i mean.

see you all soon!

dog.

2007-07-20T22:10:00.000+08:00

(he's bald because we had to shave him.)

je suis en colère

2007-05-27T07:09:00.000+08:00

tmd drive in singapore more than one year no speeding ticket, come france one month only cheebeh. 45 euros.

(hello we joined a strike yesterday and we struck all the way from the town square to the phone store and chanted and marched because nous sommes en colère, and there were sheep in town square today and they sheared a sheep in front of town hall??!!)

edit: the perils of asking my gf to blog for me.

exam period discovery #2845

2007-04-26T18:34:00.001+08:00

my handwriting gets nicer when i am damn tired.

so, if you look at my notes and see the handwriting looks very nice and neat (to my subjective standard), that means i am fuckingfucking tired.

exception: examination paper itself. handwriting like sai. still fuckingfucking tired.

back in the ussr.

2007-04-11T15:18:00.000+08:00

[name withheld for anonymity]
russia is so fascinating
i'll never forget when i was doing my attachment
and called this russian company
"hello, may i speak to insertrussianname please"

jared. eloquent graffiti.
3:13 PM
and then?

[nwfa]
3:13 PM
"oh he is not around"
"oh what time will he be back"
"not sure but he come back after he launch rocket"
ahhaha

the shop that sold memories.

2007-03-27T03:35:00.000+08:00

It’s a strange sight. One that I’m getting more used to though. Your face is marred with emotion, your eyes slightly wild and unrecognisable. I know those eyes, I tell myself, I once used to look in them, and notice the dark brown flecks dancing with some hidden joke that you never shared. I can’t see them now. You’re standing on the stairs a few steps up and the angle’s wrong, all I can see is the set of your chin. Your left earring is missing. I’d been meaning to buy you one more to replace it but I just hadn’t got around to it. The other one swings from your ear with the force of your voice, pale against the flush of your neck.

This must be quite a tableau – me, at the foot of the stairs, my bag forgotten and limp against the bottom step, the laces of my shoes undone but the shoes still on, you, one hand clenched tight on the stair-rail and the other pointing, stabbing, accusing. You’re yelling something but I can’t hear it, the sound of the rain pounding against the window is too loud. Actually, no, it isn’t too loud, I’m just not listening I think. We’ve been here before, this has happened before, and I’m guessing it will again.

My eyes flicker to the wall. There’s a slight crack where you once tried to hang the painting that we’d bought from the second-hand store down the road. You loved that shop, it was old and held the memories of a hundred different strangers, you said. I remember thinking then that was quite a smart thing to say.

You’ve given up I see, and you turn and tear your way upstairs. I try to call your name, but my throat’s dry from not talking. I swallow once and try again, but then a sudden crazy realisation skims quickly through my head – I’ve forgotten your name. It comes to me almost immediately of course, but the frisson through my spine doesn’t leave quite as quickly. Kicking off my shoes, I walk up after you. My bag’s on the floor, ignored or forgotten, I don’t quite care. The railing’s still warm from where you were gripping it, and I linger there for a second, feeling the once-familiar warmth of your hand, before I continue on. There’s a crash from upstairs as the door slams. I pause, sigh, turn and walk back out.

The papers arrive in the mailbox of my rented apartment the week after.

The plain brown envelope is slightly stained with water. Tears, I tell myself, but the rain belies my little fantasy. You don’t cry for me anymore.

Somewhere, in a shop at the corner of a quiet street, in a little cardboard box labelled “Collectibles” is a photograph of two people, laughing. It’s cold there, and they’re holding each other tightly. The trees behind them are turning golden and brown and there’s a bird perched on one of their branches, beak open and its song forever frozen in time. A hand leafs through the photographs slowly, pausing here, and then moves on.

calendar girl.

2007-03-20T02:51:00.000+08:00

i look over at the passenger seat where you lie, your head leaning gently against the window as the sun shone its early rays onto your eyes, veiled against the glare. the air-conditioning's off but it's still slightly chilly and you're huddled up against the cold.

we're driving on a road that isn't supposed to be here, in a tiny dead-end street that doesn't exist. but these people don't know they aren't actually real. just ten minutes ago you'd told me, against my better judgment, to turn off and even though i knew we'd probably lose our way, i listened to you anyway. you always had a better sense of direction than i did, strangely enough. didn't work out here though, it seemed.

the songs on our home made disc went by one by one as i turned out of the town we had discovered. i could tell that you were getting slightly frantic at our complete lack of knowledge as to where we were. then the song that i'd slipped in (i knew you'd start to like it, it was the kind that you would.) started playing, singing of months that pass and life that got harder and harder each day. the sun shines in my eyes and i blink out the glare. she's alive, she sings, in what you always called the "goodness she's dying" voice, and out of nowhere, a tiny roadside sign points the way ahead. you're overjoyed, and i smile quietly to myself as we turn off, back onto roads (if not familiar) at least expected.

i never told you this, but it really didn't matter, you know. we might never have reached the castle, or his home, or the sudden cathedral, but i was content simply being there, driving, you alongside, on a journey that might have gone slightly off track but would someday, eventually, arrive at the place we planned to go.

love...

2007-03-20T02:43:00.001+08:00

is a stick-figure comic book.

so.

2007-03-16T03:14:00.000+08:00

apparently it's an ancient chinese curse (so says discworld) to wish "interesting times" upon someone. well, i'm currently living in very, very interesting times.

it feels like i'm swimming in an endless grey sea, the sky's darkly overcast with a slight crackle of thunder, the rescue boat is just on the edge of the horizon, but every time i come to the surface for air, i remember that i can't bloody hell swim and then the shit hits the fan.

interesting times.

say goodnight and go.

2007-02-27T01:38:00.000+08:00

you would think that it gets easier each time, that it hurts less. but it doesn't really, you just get numbed to it i think. but it's good to know that this part's ending soon at least.

january, february, march april may, i'm alive.

photographs.

2007-01-24T00:50:00.000+08:00

This is a photograph I did not take of the ice melting beneath their feet as they kicked bits of snow along the bridge to the train, behind them a mountain range obscured by a thick plain of cloud that they had walked on just the day before. They paused, turned and watched as a huge, invisible hand shifted a perfect square of cloud aside, mist off a windscreen, revealing the most beautiful sight they had ever seen, while below it they stood, holding hands as people, time, and life passed them by.

This is a photograph I did not take, of two footprints in the untouched blue snow, one slightly larger than the other, a snowball frozen in the air, and two trails invisibly linked, leading back from the place that noone else had been.

This is a photograph I did not take of the first winter’s breath misting quietly and floating away from your window, above the gargoyles of the church that once held a martyr, swirling, ebbing, wafting, away into the sunlight and the morning air.

This is a photograph I did not take, of laughter rising above the forgotten train station, the train again an hour late, across the tracks a bare peach tree, fruit ripe and spilled over the earth, a river for the adventurous, the lake that wasn’t there, and the railway tracks leading either way, fading into the valley, forever, never-ending.

2007-01-15T03:06:00.000+08:00

i have seen my doom, and it is bubblegum pink.

anyhow, i'm back! stories to come soon. uh. kinda soon.

oops forgot to tell some people that i'm not home.

2006-12-15T05:41:00.000+08:00

hello hello am still alive have discovered can cook can drive lefthanddrive manual car (wah but this one damn shack french drivers siao.) can survive in gan cold temperatures. france very pretty but damn a lot of dogshit. the buildings quite big also. got castles.

okay going off to other places tomorrow, be back in singapore jan 6th bye!

epilogue.

2006-11-22T13:48:00.000+08:00

I never wanted to leave, you know. If I had a choice, I’d have stayed by your side.

We used to sit by the swing at the old playground near your house. You loved that swing, you always asked me to push you higher and higher until you’d scream for me to stop because you were going to fall, but I knew you loved it.

Then, tired, we’d sit back to back and look up at the stars. You looked perfect then, face painted white by the moonlight. It gave you a glow that I could see inside you too, that only I knew about. I used to lie back in your lap so the moon was right behind your head and it looked like you had a halo, and I’d call you my guardian angel and you’d just laugh. We’d look at the stars and I’d make up some story about the constellations and that once we talked about how we both felt so small, so insignificant beneath the heavens. Yet in that instant, I felt more whole, more alive than I’d ever felt.

Are those drawings still there, under the slide? I really don’t know. Maybe someday I’ll go back and look at them, the boy with his dog, the fisherman and his daughter and the cat that stole their catch. Childish drawings, really. Chalk and crayon, we could never colour inside the lines.

But I couldn't choose. Please remember me, fondly. I’d have stayed with you if I could.

They tell me you’re still pretty, that you haven’t changed. I wish I could see you one last time before I walk away. I wish we could walk down to your house once more. I remember that walk, how we used to walk on the white line in the middle of the road, in the middle of the night and pretend we were balancing on the top of the tallest tower that we both could imagine. You’d hold out your arms and pretend that you were flying, and close your eyes. We both were supposed to close them. I never told you this, but I never did. I tried to remember the look on your face in my mind, but the mind is a faulty camera that can never capture every feature, every small line on your face, the slight scar on your eyebrow where you fell as a child, the way your lips were slightly upturned at the ends, your eyes slightly too far apart to be called beautiful.

I will take all those images away as I leave. Some things can’t be gone back to, some memories destined to always remain in the past. I wish I could come back to it all, but I can’t. Not now, not anymore. Paths in life diverge, and if you’re lucky they’ll cross again some time in the future, when you’re older and things have changed and it doesn’t hurt anymore. But not this once. When I have time, I’ll place some flowers by the slide. Lilies. They were your favourite.

Don’t miss me. You won’t be lonely any more, it won’t hurt any more. Rest well. The darkness is gone. You’ll have real angels by your side now.

telephones and old typewriters.

2006-11-14T02:54:00.000+08:00

there's something about setting your itunes on shuffle, especially when you mass download albums and haven't heard all of the songs on them before. sometimes a song spins around on your playlist that is so stunningly beautiful that the first time you hear it becomes the 78th (and counting).

a song titled tonight, by stars, from an album called nightsongs, well, you can't go too far wrong. quite achingly beautiful.

come around and say you love me
hang your heart in lights above me
is that too much to ask for?
when the night descends upon us
take a shower, dry your hair by the furnace
i'll watch you from the corner

telephones and old typewriters
words of love along the wires
let's make it work tonight

telegraphs and birds that fly
through air so still you hear me sigh
let's make it work tonight

tonight, tonight

then furious, you threw the picture
i, cap in hand, an awful mixture
that kind of hard love is the worst

i try to speak, but you don't hear me
when you're gone you still feel near me
for a while, for a little while

i've tried telephones and old typewriters
words of love along the wires
but nothing is working tonight

i've tried telegraphs, and birds that fly
through air so still you hear me sigh
but nothing is working tonight

tonight
please, let's make it work tonight

2006-11-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

Provide your input on the proposed changes to the Penal Code here. Draft of the Amendment Bill can be found at the above link. Closing date is the 9th of December.

places to say goodbye.

2006-10-31T03:26:00.000+08:00

The unyielding faux-leather of the grey hospital armchair is slightly clammy under my arm. How many have sat there before, eyes trained firmly on the floor? Mine are on the third eyehole of my sneakers. I never noticed before how I had missed that one when I first laced them up.

Each rise and descent of the peaks on the lurid green lcd brings you a little closer, then further from me, each beep signalling that you’re still there. It’s the silence between them that’s unbearable, where my heart stops. I imagine my own heartbeat, slowly thudding in time with each chirp of the monitor. But I don’t think of that.

Outside. The quiet of the waiting room is broken only by the vaguely inane episode of some sitcom on the ceiling mounted tv set. I’ve seen this one before, it’s the one where he almost got fired and comes up with some crazy idea to keep his job. I think everyone else has seen it before too. At least no one’s watching it.

The vending machines that sell lukewarm coffee whir sullenly against the wall. There’s a family in the large brown slightly stained sofa next to me, a father and two young daughters, murmuring between themselves. The young lady in blue is the far corner again, eyes slightly bloodshot from being here the past week. She hasn’t left in two days. I know because it’s the same blue dress, more and more crumpled everyday. There’s a slight green lace highlight along the hem. You’d have liked that dress, I think. Bob’s pacing alongside the window, occasionally pausing to look out at the garden below. I think his name’s Bob, I heard the doctor speaking to him just now.

Then the nurse comes round and all the heads lift for a brief moment, tracking her progress into the room. Yours or mine, Bob?

Neither it appears, as the father and his daughters stand and follow her.

There’s no comfort here, only coffee that’s too sweet and back copies of tv magazines, well-thumbed but never read. I look around at all the eyes on the ground and wonder how long more they’ll all be here with me. I hope they get to leave soon. Bob resumes his pacing and the lady in blue has closed her eyes. I think she's sleeping. She hasn’t in a while. I want to tell her what Sarah told me before she went just now, how love is watching someone while they’re… I can’t even bring myself to think it.

It’s jarring, how happy you look in the tiny lcd of my old camera. The wind’s in your hair and you’re smiling, squinting slightly against the sun. It’s a beautiful day there, I remember how after that we walked along the streets of that quaint little town (what was it called now?) and you stopped and bought a coke from the lovely old lady who ran the convenience store. You liked how they came in glass bottles. They didn’t do those anymore here. How you popped the cap off the bottle and it fizzed over, and you laughed that laugh of yours.

Then the nurse comes in again.

but i'm thinking of what sarah said,
that love is watching someone die

so who's gonna watch you die

-dcfc

okay maybe cannot trust wiki.

2006-10-24T03:13:00.000+08:00

i think wiki not very reliable.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jared

bored la. but read the very last line. i protest.

got milk?

2006-10-24T03:04:00.000+08:00

camels got.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Camel

so there.

busybusywhoop.

2006-10-12T00:43:00.000+08:00

hello. not dead!

it's been a very different month. moved out of Comfort Zone into a Whole New Postal District and possibly even Across the Border. but all's good so far, and quite calm coasting, if not totally smooth sailing.

appears sense of humour has also disappeared over the past month.

i've vacillated between feeling the need to be around people to suddenly feeling like being alone, hence the (quite often) last minute pang-sehs, sorry friends!

school's a very stark reminder of how quickly time's passing. i can't even really remember when school began and now half the semester's over. and more big-picture-ly, uh, when exactly did torts end and comp-and-prop begin? bring back my nervous shock and my duty of care, and my one and only a- in law school (only the 15% test la. tmd.) seems rather recent that we were holed up and i was listening to you discuss leases and licences and now i'm the one banging it out for the assignment. i want to turn to a year 1 and discuss torts too. oh well oh well. i will begin studying again once this self-declared study break week has passed. or so i say.

i need new music and mytunes has let me down. why btc why.

aiyah okay this is getting boring. bye!

cowabunga!

2006-09-03T01:41:00.000+08:00

except that these turtles are a lot more sedentary.

first pets since the last ones when i decided that i should spare little things the same fate as white and brown (bless their little hamster souls and my lack of naming creativity).

this is sushi. he does not eat. he hates the world. you can't see his hands (are they called hands?) in this photo because he is scrabbling against the side of the cage so violently that they are a blur. he hates.

this is waldo. waldo hides. waldo, i suspect, hates the world too.

sushi hates water and waldo refuses to leave it so they rarely meet each other. except when they do adorable little things like fall asleep on each other. bloop!

more turtle updates soon, if they survive from not eating for a week. they hate. haaaaate.

hee.

2006-08-28T00:16:00.000+08:00

tomorrow, and?

2006-08-23T03:10:00.000+08:00

blogmorewhenthereisschool-eritis has struck again!

i'm currently sitting and looking at the rather sad mess that my room has turned into. i try my best you know, i really do, but once one mess has been cleared, another quietly (or rather more obviously, this time. i saw it coming!) forms at the sides and slowly but surely spills over into the centre of the room. tiptoeing around the little pathways left works for a time, but not for long. and so now i'm in the corner that i've managed to keep neat (or at least vaguely mess-free). even there the stacks threaten to topple and

and i don't know where i'm going with that.

and i must start reading again. borders 3 for 2 sales are always inviting but end up as smooth little dust-gatherers. haruki, i'm really quite sorry. (first name basis now! giving you my money entitles me to that.)

and yes, it's all always about the perspectives. hopefully the long ones (and if you recognise where that's from, you may bear my children, my new literary lover.) but i suppose everyone is entitled to their own shortsightedness sometimes. sometimes.

and i've never hated tomorrows so much as i do now

and

and

and

and

and.

currently, slightly emo.

2006-08-17T02:29:00.000+08:00

hello stagnation.

school's begun and i hate to say this, but the new place hardly feels like school anymore. i miss how you could find anyone whenever you wanted in the old campus. a quick five minute hunt through the library, lobby, lounge and you'd pretty much see everyone you wanted to. now everything's so spread out, i can't even be bothered to walk to the library much to see what it's like. the one brief visit i had there was livened up by fiddling with the little book elevator, but the place looked rather too claustrophobic for my tastes. sadly geeky as it sounds, i miss walking into the library and over to sing-mal and slouching down next to whoever would be at those few tables we slowly claimed over the months. minute-long breaks in the couches of hell turning into hour-long attempts to finally drag ourselves back in. hours on lazy fridays in the lounge. early-am strolls over to your room, and then yours, yours and yours to pick up stragglers and then down to the evil that is midnighttehpingandprata.

it's the little things, always the little things.

and of course, besides the place itself, the people. persons? both i think. people and persons. of course, those who are still around but aren't really anymore.

what else is to be said? focc's over. i'd do some things over if i could, change some things, but no big deal i guess. can't please everyone, but i just wish that all the build-up hadn't just fizzled like that. i really was trying to be friendly and all that! but hey.

other things loom, with all the nasty connotations that looming brings. loom loom loom. bah. doesn't look too pretty right now.

the days are flying by one by one and i'm feeling like the kid who tried to scoop up the ocean but ended up with the water dripping away through his fingers.

and again, coherence - not my strong point.

check!

2006-07-19T01:55:00.000+08:00

copeland - check.
oasis - check.
damien rice - check.
and now coldplay - check!

that completes the list of concerts that i've bloody hell -missed- so far.

must. watch. next. good. concert. that. comes.

on that note, school starting soon, full utilisation of rusty mytunes approaches! need new music la. (anyone have the bell x1 album i will loveyoudeepdeep.) and i am quite the music snob i suppose, and it irritates me to hell that radio is beginning to play death cab and snow patrol.

oh hey, if you're bored, the otters in the zoo are really rather adorable. and so are the disgruntled escaping goats. have you ever seen goats so discontent with their lot that they must steal food from the blissfully unaware miniature horses? i have. and they are cute.

let's waste time/chasing cars/around our heads

gentle into that good night.

2006-07-04T04:15:00.000+08:00

yes, am still alive after many weeks of hectic-ness. which are (more or less) done. in another vague attempt to resurrect close to flat-lining blog, hello!

so, the immense block of events that denied me my wakeupat2pm days are finally over, and my brief breather before school begins again is here. camp prep, ict (@#$@%), and law camp itself are done. as appears to be the trend everywhere, let me reminisce:

wah law camp like only yesterday but actually so long ago wah last time freshie now year 2 wah so fast wah now we old wah wah wah.

okay that's about it.

anyway, to give it more credit, yes it has been a rather amazing year. so much has happened that, well, i can barely remember it anymore. i pretty much enjoyed being an ogl for law camp, although the experience was markedly different from what i thought it'd be like. but that's over and done with, and i had fun and so that's that. presence of jamie and shu-wen in og have sufficiently ensured that i have plenty of photo memories to take away, yay.

with that, i guess, ends the final year of acting dumb and silly and young, that started with presentation, through the eventfulness of the year itself and culminating in law camp 06. no more vaguely retarded "i am an excellent sushi-des!" (i hope), no more toddling around hall at 3am looking for supper company, definitelydefinitely no more presentation again thank goodness (aiyah yes fun but wah lao damn shack can.)

and with growing up comes many new things i guess. recognising changes and accepting them is one major part of that. and as much as i'd love to rage, rage, and rage against the dying of the light, there's a time for that light to slowly dim and fade to a softer glow, and eventually to black. hopefully not just yet, but hey.

narbeh lah really end up reminiscing.

tamade.

2006-06-11T03:00:00.000+08:00

okay, slightly ironic that last post lamented on over-abundance of hair, because, well, now, not a problem any more!

fuck.

holidays have been good and marvellously packed, to say the least, which explains lack of posts since end of exams. and speaking of exams? not brilliant but aiyah. will live, will not have to see b*ckman and tsh again, will not complain.

in other news, am not cut out to be a fisherman. can, however seek out alternate career in military since the TMD S*F WANTS TO SEE ME SO MUCH.

growl.

GRAAAR.

2006-05-02T02:48:00.000+08:00

need! haircut! hair! in! eyes! driving! me! crazy!

am starting to look vaguely beatle-esque. which, in case you were wondering, is Not a Good Thing. especially when your mother looks at you and comments that your hair looks longer than hers. and in a recent hostile takeover, my sideburns have enveloped my ears. ears i miss you! not good when you put on earphones, still half asleep in the morning and the first thing you think is OH.MY.GOSH.THERE.ARE.HAIRY.THINGS.IN.MY.EARS. then you realise that it's your own hair.

hee.

other things that are Not Good Things - not being able to finish contract syllabus. rather a Majorly Bad Thing, that.

2006-05-01T11:30:00.000+08:00

i remember last semester, sometime during the binder period when i realised that the library and studying was taking its toll on me, physically. i was getting sick, and i predicted the slow but unmistakable self-disintegration. (<----ooh that's a link! jared can link!)

yes i was bull-shitting then but it appears that a semester and a half later, it really is happening.

first, i rather embarrassingly manage to trap myself inside my jacket for half an hour because the zip got stuck, and when i finally wrenched it open the little metal teeth thingies popped out. growl. then, my watch strap broke without warning, which annoyed me. and today, the silly black thing i wear on my right wrist snapped too. (alas, as predicted it snapped by itself.) and my highlighters keep drying up within days of buying them!

oh wait maybe that's cos i'm actually using them. mutter.

die la next thing brain also spoil (SHUSH ALL OF YOU. NOT A WORD. NOT ONE SINGLE WORD.)

(I CAN HEAR YOU THINKING IT SHUT UP.)

love contract! hoooo!

2006-04-30T03:18:00.000+08:00

woah i never thought i'd say this but i'm actually beginning to identify with the law! i mean, how can you not with cases like this:

CCC (London) Films Ltd v. Impact Quadrant Films Ltd [1985] QB 16

i read the case name and couldn't help but start sniggering after today's disaster and last week's...um. earlier disaster.

ccc la really ccc.

always a bit slow.

2006-04-28T04:33:00.000+08:00

it seems fairly typical that...

i discover the Great Music that is (are? grammar knowledge at 430am not exactly the best) the kings of convenience a month after they've played in singapore...

i realise that hey, i probably should have listened during crim seminars and done maybe at least one contract tutorial in the semester, not to mention sleep before and not during legal theory...

(and on that note, that i should perhaps have mentioned at least a few philosophers in my paper...)

i was born a couple decades too late to ever get to listen to old freddie mercury...

and of course, that i realise that i miss you only after you're gone.

sigh.

2006-04-28T03:05:00.000+08:00

and in a rather perverse mistake by my lovely mobile operator, m1 has sent me the standard roaming message on how to dial back to singapore. either this is the advent of the new 4g "WE CAN READ YOUR MIND" technology, or i just reallyreallyreally want to get away so badly that they let me imagine that i'm gone already.

and that i'd much rather be there now, come to think of it.

a short break from studying to announce that:

2006-04-17T16:48:00.000+08:00

i am going to fail.

i suspect it will be rather embarrassing to be an ogl and then proceed to join the freshies for lessons.

i will find out soon.

goodbye, cruel world.

goodbye, goodbye.

slightly belated.

2006-04-07T23:43:00.000+08:00

but thank you all =)

and thank you.

a lovely 22nd indeed.

and then there was this. which really was quite fun.

weichin, nav, kooms my moot partner and i.

fanclub! who woke up at 730 juuust to watch me! thaaaanks. hurhur. kalyn twee and boon.

and my favourite other team, al(ina) and al(oysius).

and now for exams!

what i actually get up to.

2006-03-28T04:09:00.000+08:00

so for all of my non-law friends who wonder why i've been so m.i.a. of late, here's the reason why:

cos i'm very...

very...

tired.

heh. shack la. the girlfriend, she who thinks she is so funny, finds it amusing to take photos while i am unconscious in various parts of school. and no i don't spend all my life asleep (no i don't, anyone who has anything to comment on this, go away.)

so speaking of the gf,

yup. what i've been doing with my life. hurhur.

(tmd and if you don't get that this is a joke i will slap you.)

ooh.

2006-03-25T15:09:00.000+08:00

edit: well i got a phone call this afternoon from my dad saying "what accessories do you want for it?" so yes he went ahead and bought me the v3i. moot (hurhur) point then. thanks anyway.

hello friends. i'm currently trying to decide between getting the motorola v3i and the nokia 7370, that's the swivelly one. any opinions?

v3i - damn chio la. new model but the design's a bit dated looking already, and i'm a phone snob and everyone has the damn razr! and it's a motorola and i'm a lazy tech-converter.

7370 - quite chio too. but it's kinda thick which is what i hated in my old phone (nokia 7200, the first fabric one) and i heard the memory space sucks. and that the swivel somehow spoils after a while. but it's a nokia! no need to use brain power to use. heh.

any comments? appreciated.

2006-03-22T03:29:00.000+08:00

i've always lived with music. that's not to say that i can actually play any instruments, or god forbid, sing, as certain people can and will fervently attest to. it's just that music has always been a large part of my life. sounds awfully cliched, i know, but i love how there's a song for practically every occasion, and of course how some songs manage to put you in certain moods.

and some songs just get to me, like this one that suddenly popped up in my itunes playlist. i found it off some random guy in lawfac's shared music (all give thanks for mytunes). it is, as chance would have it, again from the o.c. soundtrack, mix 5 this time. and is of course, now on repeat. don't mistake me though, i'm really quite happy now, more so than i've been for a while, thanks to aforementioned fervent testimonial-giver to poor singing. and no, don't jump to conclusions that i've begun lamenting again for the past. no hidden meanings, no veiled intentions. it just is, really, a beautiful song.

it's a conversation of sorts, the first paragraph's sung by the guy (what a skunk), and from then on the (yes yes breathy half-dying voice yes i know i like a certain type of female vocal) girl sings the rest of the song, until the last paragraph where their voices join again as the music crescendoes. it's lovely.

god that was strange to see you again
introduced by a friend of a friend
smiled and said 'yes i think we've met before'
in that instant it started to pour,
captured a taxi despite all the rain
we drove in silence across point champlain
and all of the time you thought i was sad
i was trying to remember your name.

this scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
now you're outside me
you see all the beauty
repent all your sin

it's nothing but time and a face that you lose
i chose to feel it and you couldn't choose
i'll write you a postcard
i'll send you the news
from a house down the road from real love.

live through this, and you won't look back…
live through this, and you won't look back…
live through this, and you won't look back…

there's one thing i want to say, so i'll be brave
you were what i wanted
i gave what i gave
i'm not sorry i met you
i'm not sorry it's over
i'm not sorry there's nothing to say

i'm not sorry there's nothing to say.

the title quite amusingly is, your ex-lover is dead, by stars. just ask if you'd like it.

still quite alive.

2006-03-20T02:07:00.000+08:00

vague stagnation will now be rescued.

and so the F.F.H. has finally more or less disappeared after 3 weeks or so, although the C.F.A.S.L.P.P. is still around. (Cough From A Slightly Less Painful Place, if you were wondering.) and the Memorial From A Rather More Warped Area Code is also finally over.

i think it's pretty great how we're managing to grab all the little chances we have to enjoy ourselves during these few weeks of pain and do silly ridiculous things, like play frisbee and get all cheerfully sunburnt, or celebrate birthdays for friends (cough hint nudge). we went out to timbre on a friend's birthday, to protect his anonymity we shall call him weihan. weihan, who in his moments of lucidity declared that WE! WILL! GET! A! FOR! LEGAL! THEORY! and that the next years of lectures would see h.h.l. expound on the merits of weihanism. not to mention trying to convince us he was completely sober and scolding twee for the face of his colour.

i look at the few weeks left before exams and it's rather alarming how the first year of law school has flown by so quickly. well, it doesn't seem like yesterday that we had law camp and all, but it certainly doesn't seem like so much time has passed since then.

a number of conversations with friends recently have revolved around the topic of how friendships evolve and change, group dynamics and individual relationships alike. i look at the people around me and it's rather intriguing how the minute (or not so) changes show through amongst us all. and this could potentially be a vaguely depressing topic so i don't feel like talking about it. but i'm sure you'd know what i mean.

anyway, the first quarter of our education will be over in a month or so and whatever the case, i'm looking forward to what life-to-come will bring.

hmm this has turned out rather more serious than i wanted for a post to maintain that i haven't succumbed to the F.F.H. and died a painful, mucus-filled death. and at an attempt to salvage my sorely-dented bioclock, i'm going to sleep now. (and rather revealing that sleeping at 230am is an attempt to better my sleeping habits.)

aftermath.

2006-03-01T14:50:00.000+08:00

so i'm finally (almost) recovering from the Flu From Hell, and having spent most of the past week or so of my life sleeping, one good thing that's come out of it is that my eyebags (Also From Hell, Or A Similar Postal Code) have disappeared. it appears that in my lack of supervision, my eyebags have grown to gargantuan proportions, reaching almost 4kg in weight/size. now, after a week of the Flu From Hell, i am once again a 55kg weakling. girls, why bother with dieting, just come look for me for a dose of the F.F.H. guaranteed 4kg weight loss in a week.

late night suppers, time to do your your magic!

2006-02-24T01:35:00.000+08:00

have i ever mentioned how much i hate being sick? no? okay i'll say it now then.

I HATE BEING SICK. ESPECIALLY WHEN IT'S THE BLOODY MIDSEM BREAK AND I SHOULD EITHER BE STUDYING OR GOING OUT AND NOW I CAN'T DO EITHER.

ahem.

in fact all i've been doing is watching o.c. which isn't that bad i suppose but not my ideal way of spending the only week of break this sem. sigh. and sleeping. i am going to become surgically grafted to my bed if i sleep any more. 18 hours at longest count, from 7pm to 1pm the next day. that's quite an achievement, even for me.

anyway i was too lazy to post pictures of law ball so um, check out jamie's blog for scandalous/funny/painful shots of the night.

have missed a total of 5 outings this week. am rather grouchy. am going to watch more o.c. now. have lost all pronoun-capability. goodbye, cruel world.

done. and done.

2006-02-20T02:36:00.000+08:00

haven't much felt the urge to post recently. partly cos of memo and partly cos of. uh. memo. heh. anyway that's done for, at least until school reopens and they give the damn thing back. law ball's over too, congrats to elan and andrea ong. umm pictures to follow if i ever post them, or you could just find them on someone else's blog.

it's been a crazy couple of weeks, what with memo and lawball and all the v-day marketing sales, interspersed with marathon o.c. sessions. four 6am nights in a row and finally, i'm sick. and now mid-sem break's here but there's all the catching up with work.

it feels like i'm at set at simmer, and the water's heating up slowly and i can't really tell but it's getting warmer and warmer and when i finally do realise it, it'll be rather too late. boiled fishball, and i never did quite like steamboat y'know. alas.

there's this particularly poignant scene in the o.c. where marissa's od-ed and has collapsed face down in some dusty alley (zits! but this is tv so she's acne-free always.) ryan and the dynamic duo find her and he rushes to her side to try and revive her. this vague, ethereal song starts playing as he cradles her and slowly carries her out of acne alley, and the camera pans over them, and into darkness. you know how some songs just hit you and this one was the metaphorical slap in the face, and it's been on repeat ever since i found it (mytunes! my best friend.)

anyway, mazzy star's into dust. you kinda need the music for it to be slappinglygood.

still falling
breathless and on again
inside today
beside me today
around broken in two
’till you eyes shed
into dust
like two strangers
turning into dust
’till my hand shook with the way i fear

i could possibly be fading
or have something more to gain
i could feel myself growing colder
i could feel myself under your fate
under your fate

it was you breathless and tall
i could feel my eyes turning into dust
and two strangers turning into dust
turning into dust

(forgive the chunky run-on sentences. post-memo verbosity.)

edit: i sent the song to a couple of people and one of them, i won't say who but ONE of them, describes it as a "wispy going to die" voice. which i like. so sue me. also has been described as stina-ish (nordenstam, if you know who.)

2006-02-04T02:16:00.000+08:00

it's sad i guess. recently i've been looking back on the past couple of months and asking that vital question, if i'd have done anything different from how it happened. and the answer is yes, i actually would have. i think the key to leading a happy life unaffected by regret is to never ask yourself that. which, sadly enough, isn't the case for me. so hey.

will snap out of this soon. hopefully.

new favourite song of the moment.

let's dance in style
let's dance for a while
heaven can wait we're only watching the sky
hoping for the best but expecting the worst
are you gonna drop the bomb or not
let us die young or let us live forever

forever young, i want to be forever young
do you really want to live forever,
forever, forever

it's hard to get on without a cause,
i don't want to perish like a fading voice,
youth is like diamonds in the sun,
diamonds are forever
so many adventures couldn't happen today
so many songs we forgot to play
so many dreams swinging out of the blue
left to come true

forever young - youth group.

Not A Gambling Man.

2006-02-03T03:15:00.000+08:00

as evidenced by my remarkable streak of bad luck over cny and the last couple of nights. have also discovered that certain card games are a surefire way to lose large sums of money. first at twee's place for the reunion dinner with the law people, 10 dollars in half an hour. not so bad. then last night before law bash in an attempt to get to a suitable state of un-sobriety, lost every. single. round. then just now with the hall people. 50 dollars in a bit over an hour. die la. when the casinos open, do me a favour and don't let me near them.

anyhow, bash last night was pretty fun. everyone was slightly nuts, partly cos of the prewalk "destressing" attempts and partly cos of the freaking out. preview was over before we knew it and honestly i can't remember much of it. walkwalkflashflashflash (camera la. not people.)walkwalk then over. cannot begin to understand why girls put up with make up though. went nearly crazy attempting not to touch it for half an hour, then gave up. tootoomany familiar faces tho. and a short conversation with the evil hamstergirl on a rather wild rumour was surprising, to say the least. yes, one shouldn't care about what others say about you, but even that one was a little jarring.

will attempt to get pictures of bash from some of the others soon.

california.

2006-01-29T00:21:00.000+08:00

this might be a bit late, but anyone who has season 1 of the o.c. to lend me will be my new best friend. it's a slightly strange way to get to know a show but i've been listening to music from it so much that i just want to know what it's like when hallelujah plays, who's supposed to say goodnight and go, and what happens if you leave. i imagine all these scenes in my head as the music plays, and if it's like what i think, it should be a pretty good show.

so long.

2006-01-26T02:40:00.000+08:00

two posts in one night! told you when school began i'd find any reason to take myself away from work.

but here goes.

hey you i guess showing concern isn't really all it's cut out to be. twice in a row i've tried to show concern when you looked down or in trouble, and twice you've tried to bite. and i'm not in the mood to be forgiving anymore cos hey i've decided that it's too much bother. i don't know if it's because you don't treat me as enough of a friend to tell me your problems or if you just are really in a terrible mood, but you've brought yourself two strikes closer to the third. and i really don't care anymore. good luck, and so long.

and in the proud tradition of nadia-esque posts, if you think this is for you then hey guess what. it most probably is. ooh ooh cryptic!

and back to hope, joy and faith.

and my new year song...

2006-01-26T00:34:00.000+08:00

which, though a bit belated in arriving, seems to be the same as before.

so this is the new year
and i don't feel any different
the clanking of crystal
explosions off in the distance

so this is the new year
and i have no resolutions
for self assigned penance
for problems with easy solutions

so everybody put your best suit or dress on
let's make believe that we are wealthy for just this once
lighting firecrackers off on the front lawn
as thirty dialogues bleed into one

i wish the world was flat like the old days
then i could travel just by folding a map
no more airplanes, or speedtrains, or freeways
there'd be no distance that can hold us back

there'd be no distance that could hold us back

so this is the new year

silent stars.

2006-01-19T20:13:00.000+08:00

hair update! lilac gone! silver gone! now have blonde streaks. hai.

end update.

i always lamented the lack of stars in our night time sky. i'd just lie there, staring up into the sky and hoping maybe to catch a glimpse of a star here or an odd unrecognisable constellation there.

the moon's been out rather more recently though. it's a beautiful sight really, the large, rather uncaring moon in its bed of cloud. it fascinates me to think that where ever you may be, you'll still see that same moon. and now, i have my own stars. night comes, and the lights go out, and i fall asleep to the dim blue glow of my own constellation.

the last thing i see before i drift off is that one rather incongruous star, slightly lost and apart from the rest, often slightly fainter than the others, but still gleaming quietly as it accompanies me to sleep.

resolutions.

2006-01-11T03:41:00.002+08:00

my foot. i've never much lodged myself into the habit of making new year resolutions, for the simple reason that i'm not a remarkably resolute person. as evidenced by the fact that on the third day of school (second actually, if you consider tuesday was a holiday) at 340am in the morning, i haven't finished my contract readings. much to my dismay actually, as i told myself (not a resolution, mind you. just telling myself) that i have to keep up to pace with the cases and readings this sem, or be saddled with a similar pre-exam panic as before.

alas. i go to bed now, my resolve rather dented and distinctly dismayed. and alliteration will get you nowhere.

and i forgot to bring a cup to hall so i will die of dehydration. if i'm not at the lecture at 930 please come to my room with a hose.

wah and thank goodness the bloody lilac has faded. i now look vaguely geriatric though.

ho-ho-ho-holidays.

2006-01-07T03:32:00.000+08:00

hello! a quick attempt at reviving this blog (although i'm sure that once school begins i'll find more than enough reason to take a timeout from the slogging and start a-blogging. hurhur.)

aiyah i hate update posts.

that was a quick disclaimer before i start update posting.

holidays have been pretty good so far. kl updates and sentosa outings can be found here and here and here and yes i am a lazy ass. grin. hello friends, i'm thankful for you! (infrequent mushiness, sorry.) and to the ones whom i haven't seen much since school ended, i miss you all tooooo. and i'll see you soon i guess since ugh school starts on monday. speaking of school, i shall post my dismal results here for posterity. or not. because i ashame. i ashame my result so not good. so i don't post them here okay. i sorry.

aiyah b- b- c+ lah. have mananged to convince parents that the law average is a b-/c+ hurhur. not sure if that's true, but quick talking will get you out of any fix. buck up next sem, boyo.

uh my hair is now an unfortunate shade of ash brown with lilac-tinted grey highlights. don't ask me why, don't. lilac leh. lilac. double-yoo-tee-eff. lilac. some may insist that it actually looks pretty good but ahh love is blind.

ION (a friend-created abbreviation for a well-used phrase), there is other news. heh. ooooh cryptic.

bye!

to you all.

2005-12-25T04:38:00.000+08:00

merry christmas.

(much more to say than that actually, but it'll come later.)

f-f-f-f

2005-12-12T03:40:00.000+08:00

ah well it's all finally over (this, of course, is rather belated.) and while there was the thrill of complete freedom after it all, i must say that now i am rather in a funk. maybe (which i'm hoping of course) it's only this very night that's gotten me like this. this is one of the things that only time can tell, and of course if it gets to the point where i have to rely on time to determine so, then, well, fuck.

and that was rather incoherent.

nights puzzle me. i can't tell how i feel about them and that annoys me. solitude and quiet's good, but at the same time it can be terribly sapping too. like right now.

i suspect i need new music.

In All Honesty.

2005-12-01T16:46:00.000+08:00

in all honesty now, i don't know enough for tomorrow and i don't really care. watching starsky and hutch the day before your contract paper is really a bad way to study i suppose. and i can't really say that i'm looking forward to post-exam life because

sand's getting softer and i can't balance anymore.

gone, going.

2005-11-25T23:57:00.000+08:00

and with that, torts is over and done for. i'd cheer, but that's also the only topic that i've fully got a hang of this sem. die la. i've never felt like i couldn't manage even if i tried, cos back then there was always the knowledge that i could do it if i bothered. now - i'm basically fucked for SLS and lawr appears to be a goner, damn it i've never thought i'd get c's for my writing ever ever ever. and contract is a foregone conclusion, was the moment i read 'closed book' on the announcements page.

and my mum just told me to stop studying so much, i still have one week left. i am rather amused. law school oh law school what are you doing to me.

so many undercurrents. some just sift the sand under your toes, some threaten to catch you unawares and pull you under and out.

2005-11-21T00:36:00.000+08:00

just happened to be clearing some old books from my room just now. found my copy of plath's the bell jar (from lit bloody s ughugh) and glanced at the cover - it's the one with the sepia-toned picture of the girl lying chest down on a bed, with her cheek on the pillow and turned towards you, and on the glossy cover there's a slight smudge just under her right eye and it makes her look like she's been crying.

just thought that was cool. don't ask why i'm clearing things from my room in the middle of exam period. heh.

not that bad.

2005-11-16T02:42:00.000+08:00

listening to jack johnson's better together on repeat now and hey in case you were wondering if i was really that depressive (cos if i looked at my past few posts, well, i'd think that) i really am not! and in fact things are pretty much looking up now for me. exams in 2 days notwithstanding of course.

to you, i don't know if you'll read this but i'm glad we're talking again and that it's all pretty much cool. aaaaaaaand okay there's so much more to be said, but i'll leave it at that. yup. leaving at that.

and to you, you and you, thanks for being such great people you know. i really am quite amazed at how there can be these three wonderful people in the world and that they're actually my friends. thank you for that.

and if you haven't seen me around much, i've just been kinda hibernating so if i've neglected you i really am sorry. will be back soon. till then.

waking.

2005-11-10T01:11:00.000+08:00

these dreams frustrate me, the kind which happen only when you doze off into a fitful sleep and reality melds briefly into your unconscious-subconscious.

you leaned over me and brushed your fingertips on my hand, but i couldn't move, couldn't open my eyes. i knew it was you though. the pervasiveness of an oddly familiar smell that winds its way up your nose and straight to the little hidden corners of your brain, it never lies. i tried to respond, tried to return your touch or gaze but i couldn't. i felt your breath on my ear as you whispered my name and asked me to wake up, but still i couldn't move. i think my fingers twitched a little trying to hold on to you, or maybe my eyelids might have fluttered to catch a final glimpse. i wonder if anyone watching me would have seen those infinitely tiny and impossibly futile motions. i felt you smile, felt your lips brush my temple and listened as you walked away. i guess that's when i woke up. the sudden cessation of a dream so painfully and hopefully vivid leaves one mentally gasping for air, flailing out for the fleeting edges of the escaping vision. you never get it back though. this one i think i won't forget yet, just like the other few that i suspect will remain seared into my mind for a long while. the one where i followed, the one where i fled, the one where we had dinner and the one where i woke and wished that i never had.

different faces though, despite it all.

research bloody binder.

2005-10-31T02:54:00.000+08:00

it is 3am. having just finished a 77 page long case summary (55 after i reduced the font size to 10 to make myself feel better) i have decided to put what i have learnt to good use. (by the way alina chia i hate you i hope you know that you didn't bloody tell me the case was 77 bloody pages before you asked if i would help to summarise it. growl.)

Airedale v Bland states that it if it is in a patient's best interests to be allowed to die, then he may be allowed to do so. Re F states that a mentally incompetent adult will be subjected to the best interests test when deciding what course of action should be taken for him.

as such, since i am most likely already mentally incapacitated now, and i deem it within my best interests (you may use substituted judgment too, cos if i were actually coherent i'd want to die as well.) to die. if you were here, you would deem it in my best interests, third party concerns notwithstanding (although some might say it would be in the social interests for me to die as well), to let me die now. so please. kill me. now. nownownownownow.

2005-10-30T02:07:00.000+08:00

i do post. so there.

2005-10-24T02:47:00.000+08:00

there was a certain kind of annoying coincidence about how dashboard started singing about hearing the saddest songs as you explained to me how we might not see each other again ever, what with how our lives had been worked out for us. it had always been my song for that year of my life where i wondered almost every minute about where you'd gone. and now i know, but there you go again.

the nights back then were quiet too. cool midnight air carries a distinct poignancy about itself as it drifts silently past your window, a sharp, not-unpleasant reminder of warmer times.

there's an entry in the old blog about how i'd try to kickstart everything again once school began, of how that unfortunate period would hopefully disappear as magically as the story in the pages of a closed book, or pictures behind a curtained screen. they have, but as i blink in the piercing sunlight outside the theatre, i'm not so sure that i like what this world brings either.

dangerously close to the precipice, i think. one more wrong step and it's over the edge you go, boyo.

that.

2005-10-19T03:11:00.000+08:00

goodness such frequent updates. i stun myself.

anyway, it's 3am and i realise after kinda doing my misrep tutorial that
1) i have almost no clue with regards to contract
2) i have REALLY no clue with regards to sls
3) exams are in 4 weeks time
4) i am quite probably screwed
5) which is a bad thing.

what wonderful things to realise at this particular time in the morning huh.

for those who know of the bali saga, asuka arrives in singapore on monday! for 3 days. c and i are going to meet her on tuesday perhaps? i hope so. slightly excited i think? but not really. fairytales are meant to be remembered and left in foreign lands, not to be brought back home after the story and the magic are over. but it'll be nice i hope.

and i think. that i am actually not a very nice person? maybe. l says that i am not that bad just slightly misguided and i'd like to believe that. but oh well.

my abbreviated names aren't really very mysterious are they.

some of the initial excitement i had about orientation is kinda dying down now. i'm wondering if i made the right choices with regards to that and that. and maybe that. i'm quite sure i did for the first one cos, well, i'm sorry but i really doubt i'd be able to work with you. and about that, well now i don't know who to work with! and, about the last that, well, i don't think i could've helped much there either, so yeah. good luck with it! do a good job okay.

and with regards to that, why doesn't anybody believe that i really am not very interested. slightly frustrating. growl.

itches and fundamental changes. i hope not, i really do. cos that'd be very sad i think. i'd be very sad. but your choice in the end, so yes.

realise now that public blogs aren't really very fun cos i can't say what i mean. how terribly restricted this feels. ah well.

2005-10-13T10:16:00.000+08:00

a little jarred by the events of the past week or so. time to start rethinking things perhaps? but "so much for being annoyed", someone mentioned. so much indeed. small brain or big heart? being far too accepting of things is perhaps a dangerous thing sometimes. and more so now. i don't know. but at least i didn't give in at the end, apologies for dumping it on you at that exact moment in time though, but sometimes things are realised when you're shoved into a situation that forces you to decide.

and a little unnerved by what i heard tonight. if it's that way, then how do you actually ever know? will you ever know? you said that it's enough if the ones who matter to you care, and to heck with the rest. true enough i suppose, but i'd hate the fact that people who don't really feel that way pretend to. but i suppose i am a little guilty of such too? sigh. scary place, this world.

but all in all, a fun time has been had recently despite all this. i'm glad i've got to know you two better. the strange and the enigmatic. thank you for listening and helping, no more chills i hope! and i'm glad that you're happier too, i really am. stay this way please. but not if you don't want to. high benchmarks, but i will try.

inside and out.

2005-10-01T03:38:00.000+08:00

newfoundmusicloves: feist. and the magic numbers. feist is just lovely, she has such a brilliant voice. honey floating on warm water. so hang up your jacket and undo your backzip, and just come into my leisure suite. and the magic numbers is just the kooky band the doctor ordered, that tells you you're a no good used-up bruised-up fucked-up boy, and that one more drink and you'll be fine, just one more girl to take you off my mind, in the same chirpy singsong voice that tells longlegstogiveyounoheadrushinthemorning!

hurhur.

anyway. i really am rather at peace with my life now, i just would rather. ah another one of those moments where i say things halfway and lose my train of thought. so now i don't know what i would rather do anymore. the story of my life. anywho, ah, torts is over, and ridiculously annoying contract essay is gone! (albeit done very badly, and possibly copied out from mckendrick, which i suspect might annoy the tutor.) how lovely. ah but i must watch what i say lest i get knucklerapped, as seems to be the trend nowsadaises.

tout doux, tout doucement now. n'allez jamais trop vite, vous aurez tout le temps. indeed.

running, running, as fast as you can.

2005-09-19T00:10:00.000+08:00

last few km of that unwanted wet sunday morning run, after breaking off from k and tw and i started doing what i normally do, pushing some song through my head to make the steps go faster. and i tried and i tried but i couldn't make any song appear. at all. a word here, a snippet of melody there, the hint of a title, but that was it. i settled with the gloom and the thin morning drizzle in my face to bring myself back. and when i reached the end i didn't know where to go.

there's something else i wanted to say here but i can't remember anymore.

oh yes. thank you. for resolution, and for truth.

goodbye.

2005-09-13T20:18:00.000+08:00

my lip has cracked from the cold in the library. i will soon start disintegrating. the little bits of me may be found along the aisles of the reference section.

goodbye, cruel world.

did you know!

2005-09-07T01:30:00.000+08:00

ahhh goodness i really don't know what to say! why must you tell me these things. i suppose i still am unready for all these revelations that you choose to spring on me now but i did indicate that i kind of was, so probably it was my fault.

actually no fuck it, it wasn't.

you still know how to spoil my day don't you, don't you, don't you. oh goodness gracious me i sense bad times a-coming.

secret.

2005-08-31T01:57:00.000+08:00

i've realised that i read postsecret obsessively. every sunday i sit by my pc and check if they've updated yet and when they have i read every single new painful little secret that these people have decided to share with the world. i wonder if it helps them, i wonder how they feel when they go to the site and see their secrets posted online, or if they actually do read it. how many of them actually find their reprieve in confession?

and i'm not supposed to be sian anymore now that the memo has been submitted and i have no(t much) work but i am and i can't even tell why anymore. and when people ask me why it annoys me to no end because i don't have an answer. it's not like before when i knew exactly why i was sian, now i don't have a reason anymore and i know it's not cos of the old reason but i'm still sian and i can't tell why!

actually i think i might know why but i just don't want to admit it because it's such a silly banal little reason. but if it is that then i really can't do anything and so i suspect i will be sian for a long time more.

somebody find me another word for sian i don't like using it anymore.

done done done.

2005-08-28T17:58:00.000+08:00

ah hello hello i'm back, and finally that irritating closed memo is done. i'm still alive despite increasingly frequent visions of flinging myself out of my hall room window (which wouldn't really make a difference anyway since i live on the first floor.)

i just sat and stared at the screen for 2 minutes and i can't figure out what it is i wanted to say anymore. so never mind, bye!

oh wait i remembered. anyway if i've been slightly more short-tempered this week i'm sorry, to whoever's had to bear the brunt of my grumpiness. i just don't fucntion too well with little sleep, and i hate this feeling of having to study and do work when i really, really, like, really, really, don't want to. but anywho.

oh yes! and a momentous occasion! after a year and a half, give or take a few months, i finally bumped into you again! and for the first time i think i was glad to have been late for lecture. very awkward, don't you think, but it was bound to have happened eventually. i'm actually surprised this was the first time, considering how i've seen practically every bloody other person. numerous awkward times. growl.

and i hate writing all these terse little law essays. i find it so annoying i can't ramble on and on like i always do. word limits, my left toe. ah, lit, lit, why did i abandon you.

random thought of the day: i suspect that it will really never happen, at this rate. aei. how terribly sad. but too bad. and that rhymes. dumdeedum.

gragh.

2005-08-18T02:28:00.000+08:00

nothing particularly traumatising has happened to me, but i'm stuck with an infinite feeling of sian. i'm sian. everyday is sian. people around me look fine, but they're sian too. school is sian. i hate this, i really do. being around groups of people and having to look happy irritates me to no end, but it's something i learned to do once before, and at least it's a useful little skill now.

there are a number of songs that have the ability to send me into wonderful downward spirals of depression when i listen to them, and i've discovered that stringing them into one playlist is rather a bad idea.

and i really have no idea how to help you, i wish i could you know, but i can't. it feels so trite and so fucking useless to just say that i'll be here for you, because being here but being helpless is absolutely pointless. and i watch you sinking with immense fear, my dear friend, because i feel like i can't do a thing. please don't give up on yourself.

happily ever after.

2005-08-07T13:56:00.000+08:00

and so presentation's finally over. it's been a rather crazy month, but i'm glad i joined. i'd never have imagined myself taking part in something like this, much less end up as the lead in the silly thing, but i really enjoyed myself and i'm grateful i had the chance to experience something like that at least once in my life. and it was brilliant, it really was. i'm glad i got to share that with all you great people. that last celebration finale dance really felt wonderful, didn't it?

one big happy family. this is a really pretty shot.

huiling the female lead, and the case of the mysterious disappearing left chest.

alright will post more photos soon. also, i've moved into hall! funfunfun. see you all soon.

taboo.

2005-07-26T00:53:00.000+08:00

quotes from today's game of taboo with the presentation people and some.

g: the place where bill clinton lives!
n: uh...uh...uh...CASTLE! BUNGALOW! APARTMENT!
ans: white house of course.

n: when there's a herd of sheep and they start charging at you!
g: STAMPEDE! (amazingly, she's right. and it gives rise to many of us wondering in which strange reality these two weird people would find stampeding sheep.)

g: (points at n's chest) those are your what? (answer is bust.)
n: breasts!
g: nono! what what!
n: ASSETS!

oh my gosh.

and g has an amazing ability to use noises to signal what she's trying to say. i've never seen anyone describe a u-turn using vrooming and screeching noises before. if she ever gets a licence, i will run.

and two people describing 'jerk' used exactly the same words, ie, "when you masturbate, you what off!" sick minds, sick minds.

oh and disturbingly, when asked to describe flab, another screamed "today at rehearsal the guys said j (me) was getting what! what!" sigh. this calls for immediate remedial action.

edit: at lw's request, it shall be noted that he is an extremely loud and screechy taboo player, and was told repeatedly today to SHUTUPSHUTUP! and told to leave the table by the long suffering other players.

elsewhere, i checked in to my room today! and already people recognise me from two years ago! tamade. i am grumpy. and my room sucks, it's right at the bottom of the stairs so anyone can look in when they walk past, upstairs or downstairs. tamade. i am grumpier.

busybusybusy.

2005-07-24T19:06:00.000+08:00

matriculation is tomorrow but i haven't filled in my forms yet. i will be denied entry into nus because i have no 2b pencil.

and i'm checking into temasek tomorrow but i'm suddenly filled with a dread of how bloody troublesome it is. and i don't feel like staying in hall anymore. i want my creature comforts. i want my airconditioning and attached bathroom and creaky bed with three pillows, one fat and two squishy and curtains that block out all light and allow me to sleep till 2pm every day.

there are so many things to do buy a laptop go for driving move in to hall read harry potter go for rehearsals (which honestly make me feel rather useless and ungainly) go out with friends before school starts and they leave go out with friends to make sure i actually have some when school starts.

i'm rather drained from having had to travel to tampines every day for the past week. piling on alcohol for a number of consecutive nights was probably a bad idea. now i'm sick and grumpy. then cancel my weekly soccer somemore. sick and grumpier.

aargh fuck what to pack what to pack. growl.